Positive parenting advice and our behavior. There are plenty of times when we as parents feel devastated, tired, “had enough of everything”, “can’t deal with it” times and we need sometimes positive advice. These are the times we put ourselves to test.The parenting is very difficult. Can we be a good parent when we are sick of everything?
Can we stay positive and pay as much attention to our children like in the good times? Or do we just say something to get them out of the way and focus on our problems? But saying something just to get the child out of the way is not the answer. It may be a solution for the time being, but it leaves marks and creates problems where weren’t any. What are the things we say unintentionally and then we regret? What can we do to change this and make sure never happens again? What are the 8 things we should never ever say to our children?
LEAVE ME ALONE
“Don’t bother me”, “I’m busy”, these are a NO NO. By saying this to your child you cut them off. The child starts to internalize the message and think there is no point in talking to you. But doing this when the child is young, the child will not tell you many things when it is older.You need to teach the child that you need time for you too and advice him\her.. If you teach him, you will never feel like it bothers you. Try giving him some individual activities, play some TV, changing care with the partner. Just be honest with the child, say something like : “Mommy needs to finish this now, please be quiet”. This will teach the child to be honest too.Use your parenting skills.
Children believe whatever you say, even when it is about them. If they hear you say telling your friend that they are shy, they will believe it and become even more shy. If you say to your child that it is mean, it will start believing it is in his character to be mean. It destroys their confidence and they can not be themselves anymore. You can say something like “Her feelings were hurt when you said that, what can we do to make her feel better?”
Children do cry. They get very sad, nervous and scared. We don’t say to the child not to cry or not to be scared. It doesn’t make him feel better, it just sends the message that his emotions are not valid and appropriate. It confuses the child and it does not learn to express their feelings in the right way. We need to control our parenting behavior to them.
WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE….
No, children can’t be more like….. someone else. They are unique individuals and we need to advice them in a positive way. It destroys their confidence and changes their behavior to worse. The child will start to resent you and not do what it is told to.
STOP OR I’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT
The threat is always a bad idea. The threat does not make the child learn and take in a lesson. It just makes them scared of you and creates a big distance between you two. In your role of parenting, you always need to be positive.
WAIT TILL DADDY GETS HOME
This only makes the partner unnecessarily scary and puts him in a bad-cop role. Parenting is responsibilities for both of you. It also ruines your authority. The child will know that it can do anything in front of you. It also puts him in agony of anticipating punishment.
Children are slow. They take the time to do things. Telling them to hurry up and expressing awaiting every day is only bad for them. It makes them think they are not good enough. It makes them lose confidence.
Using this sentence for everything, from “finishing the milk” to “drawing a picture” becomes meaningless. Use various of words to praise the child. Say things like :
-what bright happy colors you chose for the picture
-what a lovely picture of theory we read yesterday
-praise the things the child does not do every day
-give him the advice to do that better next time.